Book Review: Roommates by M.E. Parker

Roommates by M.E. Parker
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
Links: Amazon • Goodreads
Publication Date: March 26, 2018
Source: Freebie

An MMF Bisexual Menage Romance

One failed blow job…
One steamy encounter between a professor and student…
One bad break up…
Two seriously hot, womanizing rugby players…
More than a few shots of whiskey…
One dirty game of truth or dare…
Put them all together and you a get a recipe for a night that will change everything for Janie and her college roommates, Jake and Ethan.
Truth? The truth is, it gets hot. Very hot. Very fast.
Dare? I dare you to keep reading to find out just how hot.

Roommates is an erotic m/m/f contemporary romance that follows three college roommates—Ethan, Janie, and Jake—on their journey from friendship to love. This unconventional love story between the three graduate students deals with the struggles they will have to face living in a small southern college town as they try to overcome societal barriers to their relationship.

WARNING: This book is for readers over the age of eighteen. There is a lot of steam. It depicts m/m, m/f, and m/m/f sexual situations and contains graphic language.

Buddy read with my boyfriend!

After the success that was the Jealous Revenge buddy read, my boyfriend and I decided to make this a regular thing. We scoured our shelves, we explored my Kindle, and we settled on Roommates, an erotic menage romance. I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye at this book a couple years ago, but it had been a loooong time since I read anything like this. It was an experience, to say the least.

Now… I didn’t hate this book. I can’t say I really enjoyed it, either. It’s a sexy book and not much else. There’s very, very little plot. In fact, they hardly ever leave their apartment because they’re having so much sex. The only real conflict is that they’re worried about how their families will react to their relationship. The characters don’t really have personalities. I will say that they do seem to be genuine friends, although that mostly gets forgotten as they just have sex over and over again.

If I could sum this book up in one quote, it would be this one:

“Oh my gosh Jake, I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m pretty sure I’m more in love with you than I was an hour ago before we started this conversation.” I grinned at Jake, “No Janie it’s possible, because I am too.”

Roommates by M.E. Parker

Janie grins (or giggles), and one or both of the boys agree with her about whatever it is she’s said. Aside from the sex, that’s the book. And that’s fine, if that’s what you’re looking for. If you want a sexy erotic novel that requires basically no effort to read, this is the perfect book for you. If you want something with an actual plot, or actual conflict, you’ll be disappointed.

I’ll end this review with another quote, and my boyfriend’s response:

As soon as Jake put his mouth around me and started sucking, my hips bucked upwards.

Roommates by M.E. Parker

“Why is everyone bucking in this book? It’s not like it’s a rodeo.”

my boyfriend

#romanceopoly: firestation


Have you read Roommates? Is it on your TBR?
Let’s talk in the comments!

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Book Review: Little Birds by Anaïs Nin

Little Birds by Anaïs Nin
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Links: Amazon • TBD • Goodreads
Publication Date: 1979
Source: Purchased

Evocative and superbly erotic, Little Birds is a powerful journey into the mysterious world of sex and sensuality. From the beach towns of Normandy to the streets of New Orleans, these thirteen vignettes introduce us to a covetous French painter, a sleepless wanderer of the night, a guitar-playing gypsy, and a host of others who yearn for and dive into the turbulent depths of romantic experience. 

Oh dear. When I found this book in the “old and unusual” section of my library’s used bookstore, I thought it would be something at least moderately entertaining. I guess it was, but more in an infuriating way than anything else. I think this is the least sexy erotica I’ve ever read in my life.

What follows is a brief summary of all thirteen short stories in this collection.

Click at your own risk. 1. Little Birds, a.k.a. “I take the food money my wife leaves me and spend it on pretty birds so I can lure underage girls to my apartment and then flash them.”
Probably the most disturbing of all the stories, this one features a “loving husband” who takes the money his wife earns working at the circus to buy colorful birds. Keep in mind that he’s supposed to be buying food with this money. He creates a whole menagerie in his apartment and eventually lures in some underage girls from the school across the street. Unsurprisingly, he exposes himself to them and they run away, traumatized. In what universe is this sexy?

2. The Woman on the Dunes, a.k.a. “One time I had sex on the beach and then this woman told me about how she got raped at a hanging.”
This one started off well enough, and then we had to get into this really detailed account of the woman attending a hanging and getting raped in the crowd, simultaneously aroused and horrified. It was just very, very odd.

3. Lina, a.k.a. “So boring that I literally forgot what it was about.”
Like… I read this yesterday and I don’t even remember what it was about.

4. Two Sisters, a.k.a. “My sister and I were molested by our brothers while growing up and now I just want to have sex with her husband.”
One of the bigger “yikes” stories in this collection, this one features everyone cheating on everyone with some molestation thrown in for no real reason. I really fail to see the point of this one.

5. Sirocco, a.k.a. “The first of multiple stories where the woman has to listen to her husband having sex with someone else in the next room.”
Not sure what’s supposed to be sexy about this, but at least it’s short.

6. The Maja, a.k.a. “I don’t want to have sex with my wife but I do want to have sex with a painting of her.”
I don’t even know what else to say.

7. A Model, a.k.a. “Everybody wants to have sex with a model, the longest and also most boring story in this collection.”
There’s a whole lot going on in this one — a woman who wants to model but doesn’t want to have random sex with men calling themselves artists (this is somehow a problem), a very misplaced aside about having sex with women in the jungle, and then another misplaced aside about a horseback riding injury possibly breaking her clitoris.

8. The Queen, a.k.a. “Let’s talk about a prostitute dripping semen at a ball.”
This is another one that’s just… not possibly sexy in any possible way.

9. Hilda and Rango, a.k.a. “He’s so manly that even his penis is strong.”
If you enjoy hearing about “charcoal eyes” and “wild hair” while a “strong penis” pounds into someone, you’ll probably enjoy this one.

10. The Chanchiquito, a.k.a. “Fantasies about bestiality.”
Just disturbing, honestly.

11. Saffron, a.k.a. “The super, extremely, no-doubt-about-it racist one.”
A woman wonders why her husband wants to have sex with the servants instead of her and then learns that it’s because he likes the way their skin smells like saffron. This whole story is one cringe after another, but the worst is possibly when the bride’s body is described as several different racial stereotypes.

12. Mandra, a.k.a. “Sex with my married friends.”
Basically, this woman goes around having sex with all of her married friends or just staring at them naked while the husbands are in the other room.

13. Runaway, a.k.a. “Taking advantage of a homeless underage girl.”
Why yes, I would love to read about this innocent underage girl being taken in by two older men who take advantage of her. Thank you.


I expected at least a smidgen more sexiness from these erotic short stories. What little sexiness it actually had was killed by the pedophilia and racism. Definitely not recommended.

#mmd19: a book published before you were born


Have you read Slam? Is it on your TBR?
Let’s talk in the comments!

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Book review: Royal Player by Katie McCoy

Royal Player by Katie McCoy
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
Links: Amazon • TBD • Goodreads
Publication Date: April 24, 2017
Source: Purchased

Charlie Davenport is the bad boy of British tennis – and third in line to the throne. He’s a beast on the courts, and a wild animal in bed (according to all the tabloids). Girls are lining up for chance at his crown jewels, and when I stumble into the wrong Wimbledon dressing room and catch a glimpse of his game, set, AND match, I can see why.

So what’s a little good luck kiss between f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶ strangers? 

I know better than to get involved with a bad boy like Charlie. But now he’s on a winning streak, he thinks I’m his lucky charm – and you know what’s luckier than a kiss?

Everything.

Suddenly, I’ve got paparazzi on my trail, exes coming out of the woodwork — and you don’t know ‘cutthroat’ until you’ve seen a pack of hungry socialites set loose near the Royal Family.

I’m in way over my head, and even worse – I’m falling in love. Can this American girl win her Prince Charming? Or will we both crash out of the championships in flames? 

Wimbledon-meets-The Prince and Me in this hilarious, sexy new romance from Katie McCoy!

Fun fact: I asked for my boyfriend’s help with choosing one of my March titles for my Killing the TBR challenge. After looking through my Kindle library, he settled on this book because the guy on the cover is putting his shirt on instead of taking it off, and it featured royalty. The royalty thing ended up being a pretty convenient coincidence, because March’s Monthly Motif had to do with royalty too.

This book wasn’t really what I expected, though it was very trope-heavy and predictable. It’s a light story, mostly very fluffy, about a young woman who goes to England to work at Wimbledon with her friend. While there, she meets a prince who also plays tennis and they fall in love. That’s really just about the entire story. The book required absolutely no brainpower to read, which was actually a good thing, because I was reading it after spending like ten hours moving and cleaning and being generally exhausted.

I’d maybe have given it three stars since it was a very quick, very easy read, if not for the absolutely ridiculous conflict that got entirely blown out of proportion. I’m not going to spoil the conflict (and therefore the ending) but I do want to say that no sane person would react to Emmy’s “secret” the way Charlie did, and no sane person would take him back after that reaction.

Honestly, I don’t have much to say about this book. I do, however, want to leave a warning that it’s a lot more erotic than you might assume based on the title and the cover. I was really surprised at some of the scenes I read in this book, especially since it’s just tagged as “contemporary romance” on Goodreads.

All in all… I can’t really recommend this one unless you’re looking for the easiest book you’ll ever read.


#mm19: royalty, kingdoms, empires, governments
#killingthetbr: 1 year, 1 month on shelf


Have you read Royal Player? Can you recommend any good royal romances?
Let’s talk in the comments!

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Book review: Kiss Between My Lines by Anne Tourney

Kiss Between My Lines by Anne Tourney
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Links: Amazon • TBD • Goodreads
Publication Date: August 7, 2008
Source: This was a gift from my amazing boyfriend, who knows that I love hate-reading erotica. ❤

Infogeek Jordi can’t break her addiction to her loaded laptop, her favorite source of secondhand stimulation. But when her laptop is stolen she’s forced to get her fix at the library’s computer terminals, and there she stumbles across a blog recounting the sexual adventures of a sultry love-addict called Dana. Jordi’s and Dana’s identity begin to mesh in bizarre ways and Jordi finds herself falling for Nolan, the insanely hot, renegade library page who’s trying to help her figure out how she’s connected to Dana. She’s also drawn into a series of intense mind games with Steffan, an elusive older man who works at the reference desk and leads a secret life of his own. Meanwhile, Dana’s adventures are growing wilder by the day, and Jordi can’t stop slipping in to Dana’s world to sample its stolen delights. Soon Jordi is way too busy to question her borrowed identity . . . until Dana steps up to reclaim it. Will Jordi be able to go back to the realities of flesh-life – and the possibility of true love – after spending time in Dana’s sexy virtual skin?

To say that I was excited to read a book like Kiss Between My Lines would be an understatement. I love a good hate-read (just see my reviews for Troll, Distrust, Axl, and Burn the Fairy Tales) and this sounded like just the book for me. And, you know what? It was an experience. I honestly have no idea what I just read.

I guess, first of all, I’d say that the synopsis is really misleading. Yes, the book is about a sex addict named Dana and an infogeek named Jordi. Sure, Jordi stumbles across Dana’s blog and is really intrigued by it. But the whole “soon Jordi is way too busy to question her borrowed identity “and “Dana steps up to reclaim it” thing? Did I miss that? Also, her laptop is never stolen, it just breaks? I’m so confused.

This is a huge spoiler about the whole “borrowed identity” thing.The only thing I can think of that makes that part of the synopsis make sense is the “plot twist” at the end of the book, which honestly, I saw coming from about chapter two. The thing is, Jordi and Dana have very similar physical appearances. (They’re both redheads and both overweight.) Jordi looks for Dana but can never find her. At the end, there’s this weird Fight Club-style reveal that Jordi and Dana are actually the same person, Jordana. (I rolled my eyes.) But even with that reveal, I can’t say that the synopsis makes a ton of sense. It’s not like Jordi and Dana fight or anything. I also didn’t understand how Jordi can have an apartment that she shares with a roommate while Dana is homeless and sleeping in a library after being kicked out by her father. The ending was such a mess and really cemented my one-star rating.

Moving on to something else that didn’t really make sense to me: LIRA. Now, I get the concept. In case you want me to save you from the 256 pages of this book, I’ll give you a brief description of Jordi’s pride and joy. LIRA is a computer program that somehow mentally connects all of its users. They can pass emotions through LIRA’s network and mostly use it to “Throb” and “Thread,” which I guess is supposed to be like sex? Its users have physical reactions to both using it and not using it, and at one point, Jordi steps away from her laptop and experiences actual withdrawal symptoms. An interesting concept, for sure, but how exactly this computer program is able to effect its users so strongly is never explained. Whenever LIRA was brought up in the book, I got kind of distracted because I started thinking about how something like that would actually work.

The next thing I want to talk about is the safety aspect. I don’t want to give more spoilers than I already have, but I think I can say that, in her search for her next sexual conquest, Dana does some really dumb things. She seems to have no concept of personal safety (like, for example, stranger danger) until she suddenly does. And every time she would suddenly act like a normal human being and think to herself, “hmm, maybe I shouldn’t put my life in danger right now,” she’d be like, “nah, he’s cute” and keep doing whatever she was doing. Maybe that’s another aspect of her sex addiction, that she’s just so focused on her next sexual experience that she doesn’t even think about anything else, but it kind of irritated me.

Anyway. Overall, the writing actually wasn’t that bad. I feel like the author could write a good book if she wanted to, and I wondered a few times if she was just messing with us with this book. I mean, it’s just so ridiculous that I almost think it has to be on purpose. The only thing I found odd about the writing style was that Jordi’s chapters were written in third person and Dana’s were written in first person. I guess I get it since Dana’s chapters are her blog posts, but it was still an adjustment every time the POV changed.

All in all, the book was easy to read, but a definite mess. I’m not sure what exactly the author was going for here, since Dana’s chapters were pretty classically erotic while Jordi’s chapters were… not. I can’t really recommend this one unless you’re looking for a particular kind of crazy story, but I sure had fun reading this.


#romanceopoly: erotic eaves


Have you read Kiss Between My Lines? Do you have any idea what I just read? Let’s talk in the comments!

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Erotica reviews: Lip Service & First Night

Lip Service by Penny Wylder
Series: A Pleasure Chest #1
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
Links: Amazon • Goodreads
Publication Date: January 15, 2017
Source: I one-clicked this one all by myself.

I never imagined I’d be taking a class on how to perform better in bed. But when my rude ex told me I sucked at, well, sucking, I couldn’t stop thinking about how awful that made me feel. Then I saw the hot guy teaching my class…and I stopped thinking entirely.

Philip Crew is six and a half feet of pure, sizzling muscle and panty-dropping sexual tension. And he definitely has no problem instructing me on what he likes. There are tons of women drooling over him, so why does he keep flirting with me? The attention is addictive. But I just got out of a relationship with a player, and Philip is giving me the same vibes.

When he offers to teach me in private, I know things are going too far. The last thing I want is to get hurt again. Except I can’t get him out of my head. I want to try out everything he taught me… on him. My only hope of keeping myself from unzipping his jeans and seeing what’s beneath is to stay away. If I never see him again, I know I can resist.

Then he bumps into me right outside my apartment.

And I forget why I was fighting my desire in the first place.

Sometimes I read erotica and I really like it — or, maybe more accurately, sometimes I read erotica and I don’t hate it. Other times, I’m so put off by everything that happens that I wonder why I do this to myself. Lip Service fell somewhere in between for me. The premise is almost laughable — blowjob lessons in a sex shop? — but it’s that kind of ridiculous plot that makes for a good escape.

And, surprisingly, I took no issue with the actual plot. I thought it was pretty well done, and for erotica, the romance ended up being pretty sweet. I think my main issue with the book was that Mayra was adamantly against hooking up with Philip… and then the next thing you know, the two of them are in bed together.

The story is short and sweet, and at less than 100 pages, I can think of worse ways to spend an evening. That said, I don’t know that I would recommend it since it just seems to contradict itself.


First Night by Lauren Blakely
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Links: Amazon • Goodreads
Publication Date: December 9, 2013
Source: I one-clicked this one all by myself too!

It was only supposed to be one night… 

When the sinfully handsome man walks into her bar in San Francisco, Julia Bell simply wants a break from the troubles that keep chasing her. That escape comes in the form of sexy, confident and commanding Clay Nichols, who captivates her mind AND turns her inside out with pleasure. The attraction is electric and they share one scorchingly hot night together, but they also discover there is more than just off-the-charts chemistry; the connection between them runs deep. Clay never thought he’d return to New York with this woman still on his mind. But he can’t get her out of his system, and he needs more of her…He wants more than just the first night…

It’s been a while since I read an erotic novel. That review up there for Lip Service? Actually from at least six months ago. But I like Lauren Blakely. And I needed to read something for January’s #killingthetbr challenge. Why not an erotic novel? What could go wrong?

Everything.

Everything could go wrong.

I initially intended to read the entirety of Night After Night. This is its prequel, which was kindly included with the full book. I could really consider this a DNF if I wanted to get really technical, but I did read the complete prequel at least. But I couldn’t go on any further. This was terrible. I absolutely despised both main characters.

Julia is a sassy bartender. Usually I can go for that. But no, first of all, she judges her customers based on what they’re ordering. She goes on this whole internal rant about how real men only drink beer and any guy who orders a mixed drink shouldn’t expect a woman to want to have sex with him. Um, what? Let men drink whatever they want. Beer is disgusting anyway. Second of all, she has a minimum acceptable penis size and it’s… wait for it… eight inches. I mean. What even is this book. And Clay? Don’t even get me started.

On top of the horrible characters, I just felt like this wasn’t up to Lauren Blakely’s usual standards. This book was just not my cup of tea.

#killingthetbr: ten months on shelf


Have you read either of these books? How do you feel about erotica?
Let’s talk in the comments!


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